How to Clean Your Fridge

My fridge is sadly empty, so I decided (since I could clearly see the grossness) that it was time to clean it.  After completing (or starting?) this project, I decided to make up a how-to guide, because I'm just helpful like that.

1.  Open fridge.
2.  Contemplate going grocery shopping immediately to hide the mess with food.
3.  Determine shopping on a Friday night with kids is far worse than cleaning the fridge.
4.  Work from the top down.
5.  Clear the shelf.  Dispose of unidentifiable items. 
6.  Wipe the shelf.  Scrape the shelf.  Remove gross rag from toddler's mouth.  Wipe the shelf.  Get fresh water.  Repeat until clean.
7.  Wipe containers before putting them back on the shelf.
8.  Admire your work.
9.  Repeat step 5 with the second shelf.
10.  Take chocolate sauce away from toddler, wondering how much she actually drank before you noticed.
11.  Repeat step 6 with second shelf.
12.  Take chocolate sauce away from your toddler.  Scrub the floor where chocolate sauce was joyfully squeezed out.
13.  Try to convince toddler to go play with sibling.  Fail horribly.
14.  Repeat step 10.
15.  Remove chocolate sauce from toddlers reach.  Wonder why you did not do this sooner, and why you think this would be the day your toddler would respect the word "No".
16.  Repeat step 7 with second shelf.
17.  Repeat step 2.
18.  Reconsider step 3.
19.  Repeat steps 5, 6 & 7, while being hit on the back by a toddler enthusiastically yelling "PANG A BUM" (spank the bum).
20.  Remove bottom shelf from fridge completely because it is too disgusting and needs to soak.
21.  Contemplate how you can soak a huge shelf while your toddler yells "JUJUJU?" (What you do?)
22.  Come up with a clever solution.  Put it on Pinterest
23.  Wonder why you never saw your mother cleaning her fridge like this, and how you will never be the woman she is, and wonder if she ever slept, because she must have cleaned the fridge, but there are no witnesses, so did it really happen?
24.  Remove toddler from fridge.
25.  Scrape soy sauce/maple syrup/juice/who-knows-what-that-is mixture off the bottom of the fridge.  Try not to guess how long it's been there for.
26.  Wash bottom of the fridge.
27.  Repeat step 24, while wondering why your toddler is suddenly calling the fridge a shower.
28.  Clean the produce drawers while feeling a little guilty that you don't have much produce in there for the children.  Wonder at the marvel that is your mother who always seemed to have fresh produce on hand, and none of it ever went to waste.  Consider calling to tell her she is your hero.
29.  Admire your clean fridge (make sure you ignore the door, which you have not got to yet).
30.  Put children to bed.
31.  Write a blog post about cleaning the fridge.
32.  Repeat steps 1-30 on the door, replacing toddler with pet.
32.  Go grocery shopping so no one will ever see that you cleaned your fridge.